Social Ease And Connection, Part 9: Belonging
When you are not in touch with the wholeness that comes from the feeling of belonging to life, you are vulnerable to social manipulation. Others can deceive, coerce or bully you to submit to their specific personal or social agenda. It’s not a good situation to be in and underscores the need to make time to connect with the core of your being. In your sexy presence and power and with a bit of practice, it becomes easier to stand your ground when someone pressures you. Belonging should not require you to be someone other than your natural self.
Who do you have to pretend to be to get along with a mate, friend or group? Don’t pretend. Phony is obvious and decidedly not sexy. Being who you are and feeling the confidence inherent in being your natural self is sexy. If you have friends, lovers and groups for whom you have to fake it to belong, replace them with people who appreciate you as you are. You can be honest with such friends and group members and that’s both healthy and sexy.
Groups that accept the uniqueness of their members are sexy. Only join groups like that. The pressure to belong takes many forms other than bullying. People may shun, threaten, admonish or exclude you. They may deny you rights and privileges. They may deceive and take unfair advantage of you. They might temporarily banish you to try to make you fall in line. They might gang up on you with others. Banishment is a gift in such situations because it gives you back your life.
Membership requires contribution. You have to help the group in some way. Some groups, before they let you join will ask you, “What do you bring?” Think about what you CAN bring and then commit to bringing it. Living with others requires giving something of your self. Do more for the common good than is expected of you. Give freely without insisting on getting something back. Do not freeload on the goodwill of the group and its members. Help where you can. Being a member of a group can enrich your life and make it easier and safer. Give in kind. When all members do what they can for the group, starting with being present and self-responsible, group membership is an external extension to the internal blessings that come with being life.
How can you disconnect from social pressure? Begin by knowing that something within you is already (and has always been) beyond social pressure and will always be free of it. You can’t be pressured when, with practice, you can stay calmly in the being you are.
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